When someone hurts you

When someone hurts you

One day, as I was on the way to a conference for church leaders (Cochin, Kerala), many faces came to mind of my friends, family, church leaders and ministers. I was just thinking about their lives. Some of them are really struggling to overcome the hurt that has happened in their lives.

Before starting this subject we need to have a look at the meaning

hurt —v. 1. cause pain or injury to. 2 cause mental pain or distress to. 3 suffer pain (my arm hurts). —n. 1 injury. 2 harm, wrong.

hurtful adj. causing (esp. mental) hurt.  hurtfully adv.

This is how the dictionary defines hurt but, when analysing the meaning, hurts are mainly in two areas of life:

1) Physical

2) Emotional

Both types are painful and both need healing but the method of healing is entirely different. I think the most painful and serious is the hurt in our emotional area. I am not saying physical hurt is not serious, but somebody physically hurt (for example from an accident) will be admitted to the hospital as early as possible, and the doctor and the medical team will treat them with seriousness, mainly for their physical hurt/ injury. But most of the time such hurts are not serious and we can forget or neglect the fact that the effect of the accident is in the emotional area. The trauma, the shock, the deep wound happened in their emotional area. After some days or months they will physically recover from the hurt, because medicines and care were given for their physical wellness. But the shock and the trauma happening to their mind should be treated as well.

Sometimes it is not necessary for an accident to happen; even at the time of conversation we can be hurt by someone. The intensity of the hurt will vary from person to person according to their relationship with the other party. As the intimacy increases the hurt will be deeper and deeper. For example between loving couples, between intimate friends, between anyone you really love and care for (whether it is a godly or ungodly relationship).

Why it is more painful when hurts are caused by someone you care for? In order to explain this I need to explain the Degree of Vulnerability (DoV). DoV will vary from person to person. As the intimacy increases the DoV also increases (easily wounded or harmed., exposed to damage).Because emotionally you are exposed to that person, when you talk, or when you share your feelings you are just pouring your thoughts and feelings without any fear (because of the trust). If anything happens during this time it will have a more serious effect on the other person than at any other time. This could be a positive impact or a serious negative impact.

This inner pain may be present due to negative life experiences. An example of this is someone who was badly treated by one or both parents during childhood. From their school days they may have been sexually abused or perhaps just generally ignored - not properly valued and loved. In the thoughts of those who practice inner healing ministry, the negative experience is the cause of emotional pain, which the victim carries with them long after the damage occurred. If someone suffered rejection in childhood, there may be evidence of this in the present. Perhaps that person may find it difficult to love others, or perhaps they may experience depression or a negative life attitude due to the damage.

These hurts can cause:

1. Sadness (not about the instance necessarily but as a shadow or a hint)
2. Self pity
3. Self-hatred. Self pity will lead to self-hatred. Shame will poison my inner man, when deep down inside I hate myself (low self-esteem). Low self-esteem will discourage you from doing things; it may lead to suicide.
4. Self-condemnation
5. Apathy (not interested in anything)
6. Inferiority complex
7. Bitterness
8. Fear (fear of rejection, or acceptance)

One of the areas I’ve seen when ministering to people with hurt was their struggle to overcome rejection. There is a tendency to live in the past, and in unforgivenesses. They usually try to forget or neglect the problem, but it is difficult for them to forgive. Because the hurt is really deep, sometimes they are upset and angry (some people live with a revenge mentality). Actually this hurt makes things more complicated and eats at their life like a cancer.

Dealing with your hurt

It is really painful for people to deal with their hurt. Even if they want to come out from that it is painful for them to overcome, especially to forgive. The powerful medicine to heal hurt is forgiveness. At the time of ministry when we share about the power of forgiveness, most of the time we won’t get an excited response from the people but, as we go further and when they allow the Holy Spirit to start dealing with the issue, we have seen tremendous changes happening in people’s lives. Even their physical appearance can change. After hurts and traumas we have seen people’s skin colour changing, especially in the area of their face and forehead, becoming fat (overeating), some people, without the effect of food, become fat or skinny (not interested in any food). Some have migraines and headaches, sigh occasionally, or are absent minded. These are some other areas people usually show the effects of the hurt that happened in their lives. So the inner healing process may well start to reverse the negative effect of these physical defects.

God doesn't want you to continue in your hurtful past, but Satan really wants you to be in your hurtful past.

You might have been rejected by someone you love, hurt by the words spoken against you or the unfaithfulness of your life-partner, deceived by someone you have loved, accused falsely and more. But hurt is hurt. It is painful and should be treated properly; otherwise it will damage and spoil the joy that God has placed in your life.

Suppose you have a wound in your hand but you are not taking care of it well. You just cover it to avoid exposing it to others so that no-one will know what is inside. After some time it will be infected and there will be times you can’t hide it because you have to treat it. Previously it was a small scar but now it is a deep wound. This is similar to the situation of dealing with your emotional hurt when you need to, other wise it will become really painful and a deeper wound. Many times, because of the pain from hurt and rejection, people won’t share or ask help from others to deal with this situation because of their bad experience from the previous incident. Not dealing with the situation as soon as possible will make things more complicated and cause deeper wounds. When you feel hurt and someone brings a beautiful rose to console you, and touches your wounded area with those beautiful soft rose petals to express his/her concern about your hurt, what will be your reaction? You will shout/cry /scream with pain; even if the rose petal is soft and the person who presented it to you presented it with love you are unable to receive that love because the wound is not healed. In the same way if someone tries to help or expresses their love to a hurt person, he /she can't accept or receive that love because of the unhealed hurt.

On February 14, 2010 (I hope you will easily pick the importance of that day - Valentine’s Day), I was invited to minister at one of the top Universities in India, I had a great time there. When I was given the date for that meeting I didn't even think being on Valentine’s Day. The day before the meeting I received a call from the coordinators asking me if it was possible to add something related to Valentine’s Day. I was not sure whether I was ready to do a speech and minister in relation to Valentine’s Day and on the morning of the 14th I was praying to God to give me some ideas related to the subject. Somehow I managed to set up a presentation. I was really amazed by the response from the students. The morning session had nearly 500 students and the evening session had more than 1000 students. After each meeting there was a long counselling queue. It was a great time. I noticed that everyone was hurt in one way or other, and when I was talking to them many were in tears. They were trying their best to come out of the trauma or hurt from the bad experiences. I have seen many set free by the love of Jesus.

I would like to provide some steps to set you free from your past hurt.

1. When you know you have a hurt in your heart the first thing is to pray to God to help you come out of this situation. The first step is very important because each deliverance ministry is different from any other, so only God can reveal the keys to your particular situation. The next steps for your deliverance are really important.
2. Share this matter to a trusted person, who can help you in prayer, encouragement, and a willingness to listen to your problem rather than blaming you (if possible read my blog on power mentoring).
3. Forgive those who’ve hurt you. Without forgiveness there is no real healing. Many times people like to forget but they are not excited to forgive. Forgetting a problem is escapism or avoiding the reality.
4. Repenting of any ungodly thought patterns or behaviours in connection to the hurt. Breaking any soul ties.
5. Asking God to heal the wounding
6. It is done, no more guilt and condemnation!! you are free indeed..
   
   May God Bless you
   Blessan