At last I broke up, left him, decided to die and marry another man…my true story…
July 12th, 2008 was our wedding day and after my second marriage this is the most memorable day in my life, but my second marriage was on April 14th 1996, when I had just turned 15 years old.In
Let me explain. I will talk about my marriage with Katherine in the coming blog, but now I would like to talk more about my second wedding. When I was planning my second marriage, according to my first partner’s instruction I was not allowed to, because I was legally married to my first one, Mr Sin. I didn’t understand that I was married to sin until Mr Law came to help me come out from the horrible life with my first partner.
"Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me." (Psalm 51:5) "The wicked are estranged from the womb; Those who speak lies go astray from birth." (Psalm 58:3) "Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest." (Ephesians 2:3) The knowledge about my marriage came to be known through Mr Law. (“Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in His sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.” (Romans 3:19-20) The law cannot make anything perfect. Actually he came to help me, but when Sin came to know about Mr Law and his laws, he used that to bind me more and more by pointing out that I am never able escape from him because I can’t achieve Law’s target of perfection so that it was better to stay with him and forget about leaving him and marrying someone else. ‘The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law" (I Cor. 15:56) So although Mr Law came to help me get away from my marriage to Sin, he actually ended up putting me under more condemnation and gave more power to Sin to reign over my life.If I marry the one I really love, it could lead into more complication, meaning I could have been called an adulterer. And as adultery is a sin, the consequence of this sin is death. “For the wages of sin is death” (Rom 6.23) According to my partner these are some of the instructions related to my thought about marrying someone else:
Leviticus 20:10"If a man commits adultery with another man's wife--with the wife of his neighbor--both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death."
Mr Law’s office What an amazing office!! Everything is perfect. The wall is filed with great ideas, covering everything: family, finance, God, business, education, worship, everything (most of them are not achievable by a normal human being!! For me neither??) Mr Law is working as an advocate to fix the problem and is helping me to deal with the legal requirements to say good bye to my husband Mr Sin, who cheated me all the time, was abusive, controlling, stole my peace, destroyed my life, and killed me spiritually (John 10.11). The law has no more power to condemn me because I am dead, which means the law has power to condemn us as a sinner and, consequently, condemn us to death only as long as we are alive. Once we have died, the penalty for sin has been paid, and the law has no more power to condemn us.
Mr Law is a very good fellow, with some amazing characteristics of honesty, integrity, holiness, punctuality, knowledge of all rules - I think he has a triple Ph.D. in law. People said you are really blessed with such a wonderful partner to help you to come out from the horrible life with Mr Sin, look at his character and standard of living. He is offering a very high quality married life. But the truth is I never enjoyed the instructions from Mr Law, his policies are high, but I always failed to meet his expectations, so I feel condemned, and guilty. One of the reasons was there was no romance expressed through his actions, but at the same time he has a lot of ideas about romance. One day when I shared about my need for some romance and love, he opened his book and gave the most amazing instructions and guidelines to become romantic but when I started my work, my goodness, the things I had to do were beyond my ability. I was exhausted, tired. It’s like he asked me to set up a hydrogen balloon myself and go for an amazing sunset view from the balloon. It was such a romantic idea, people were jealous as not many in this world have these kind of romantic ideas. He gave all the information related to setting up the romantic evening but he didn't come to help me. I failed to set up the balloon, felt tired, exhausted. After all I felt condemned because I failed to set up that romantic evening even after receiving all information from him. From his side he has done every thing (except coming with me to help), but I FAILED!! That evening a lot of thoughts were in my mind; all my friends and families were talking about my wonderful life of freedom and romance with Mr Sin, but they didn’t understand that inside I was dying as I gave the impression that everything was great. I never enjoyed my life with Mr Sin, just momentary pleasures and happiness; I always wanted to leave him but legally I was bound to him. I thought Mr Law was going to resolve all the problems, but you know he made it more complicated by giving a report every day about my performance and failure, and of course suggestions to improve my performance. But for me I decided to leave Mr Sin that night, but some thing stopped me from doing that. Sorry you can’t do that!! You can’t leave your husband when he is alive. Other wise you must die. Then only the bond will break. What is the solution then?
Romans 7 says, “For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me” (v.14-20). I really wanted to live according to Mr Law, but I failed to do so because I was bound legally to Sin. I need to think that in this way Sin was cheating me using Mr Law because Sin knows that the consequences of sin is death!! 
Mr Law came to help, but if I failed to fulfil the law, the result is a curse because I am a law breaker!! That doesn't mean that the law is a curse but all who rely for justification before God on works of law (legal works) are liable to a curse instead of the blessing which they hope to receive. If I share simply from my experience you can't fulfil the law by yourself. It is a hopeless business to seek justification by the Law. So Sin+ Curse of law resulted in death.
There was only one answer and that was death..... But now the situation has changed because now I know another man, who is tender, compassionate, humble (Philippians 2:5-8: he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!), sacrificial, willing to help, supportive, encouraging, and even romantic, holy, a man of integrity and honesty, loyal, forgiving… He has all the characteristics of Mr Law and many more.
On the cross His very first utterances were not about Himself or His disciples, but took the form of a pleading prayer for His bitter enemies. "Father, forgive them," He petitioned, "for they do not know what they do" (Luke 23:34) and he is even willing to pray for me. John 17 records by far the most extensive intercessory prayer of Jesus. Jesus first prayed for Himself (verses 1-5), then for His disciples (6-19), and finally for all other believers ( 20-26). Peter was one disciple for whom Jesus prayed, for Jesus knew that Satan was after him. "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat" (Luke 22:31). But Jesus is no ordinary praying friend. He is called "Wonderful, Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" (Isa. 9:6). I have free access to Him at any time, whereas previously if I wanted to meet or talk to God I need to get the permission from Mr. Law, who usually asks a lot of question according to standard. And you know I was not allowed to talk to Him directly; most of the time I needed to have a mediator, and the thing about the mediator was more complex since he couldn’t mediate at any time. He needed to wait ages for specific dates and times to offer a sacrifice that would meet the specifications of Mr Law!! What a complex life…But my new friend is very different, at any time I can access Him, He is available all the time without any conditions. Mr Law’s love was conditional, but my new friend’s love is unconditional. He is not just saying loving words to please, but He demonstrated His love for me thorough His action, He loves me very much and would like to marry me, but now I am married to Mr Sin. When I talked to Mr Law about my dream of starting a new life without condemnation, he was not happy at all, because I don’t have any legal ground for that, but he went inside and searched his book of laws. At last he said, “there is a possibility, but it is not easy. The person willing to marry you should pay the price, and he must be a perfect man according to the law. Secondly you must die to break your legal bond with your present husband Mr Sin.”
Hebrews 7:25 says, "He is able to save forever those who draw near to God through him, because he always lives to make intercession for them". We are greatly blessed in having a great High Priest, one who lives to make intercession for us. He understands our weaknesses without himself being weak. There is no one closer to God than He. Through Him we can come to God and find utmost grace. (Heb 4:14-16, Heb 5:1-11, Heb 6:20, Heb 7:1-28, Heb 8:1-6 describe his work as our intercessor.)
Ohhhh, I don’t have enough words to describe him. You know I needed to do and maintain a certain amount of things to make myself an acceptable wife according to Mr Law. But I never achieved that target. Mr Law always said, “I have done my job, now it’s your business.”
Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, or we could say Sin used Mr Law to accuse and bind me up , locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith (by his grace). Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law. (Galatians 3:23-25)Romans 7:2,3 says, “A married woman is bound by law to her husband as long as he lives. This means that if she is married to another man while her first husband is alive, she is guilty of adultery. She is free to remarry without guilt only if her husband is dead.” So the only option is that I must die, die to sin and live for Christ... but the problem before dying is that I need to settle my account with Mr Sin for the sins that have happened in my life. Once it's settled I’m free. And I need to find an effective method of death that will help me marry someone else. The question is, how is it possible?? Will my lover pay the price??
Isaiah 53:6 (Amplified Bible) says, “All we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord has made to light upon Him the guilt and iniquity of us all.” 1 Peter 2:21-25 (Amplified Bible) tells us, “For even to this were you called [it is inseparable from your vocation]. For Christ also suffered for you, leaving you [His personal] example, so that you should follow in His footsteps. He was guilty of no sin, neither was deceit (guile) ever found on His lips. When He was reviled and insulted, He did not revile or offer insult in return; [when] He was abused and suffered, He made no threats [of vengeance]; but he trusted [Himself and everything] to Him Who judges fairly. He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree [as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed. For you were going astray like [so many] sheep, but now you have come back to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.”
So Jesus paid a price to buy me through His blood. By believing in His death and resurrection God made me righteous. Now I am dead to sin, sin is dead to me, I am crucified with Christ; I died with Christ and was raised with Christ. Through His death he paid the price. By grace I believed in His death and I am also dead,which means I am free to marry now… Who?? The one who paid the price for me. The one who raised me from death… Jesus!What happened to Mr Law then?? We will discuss that later…[1]
Mr Grace’s officeWow... This is also an amazing office. It is colourful, with such peace and joy in that office. There is no pressure of performance; you can go there as you are. One of the main differences is that this office is full of Love whereas Mr Law’s office is full of LAWS.
The attitude and response to my problem is very much different from Mr Law. I had a nice chat with Mr Grace, a very friendly guy. I shared all about my life and my desire to leave Mr Sin and the complications that happened through asking help from Mr Law’s office. Mr Grace listened to me patiently and when I finished my story, he stood up. I thought he was going to take a big book from the shelf as Mr Law always did. But instead of that he came and gave me a hug!! What?? Mr Law never ever did this to me. Mr Grace is very different.
We started a deep conversation, with Mr Grace always encouraging me and providing tissue to wipe my tears and sometimes wiping my tears himself. (Hmm, I do remember Mr Law asked me many times whether I brought any tissue with me to wipe my tears, and a couple of times he sent me back because I had forgotten to bring some when I came to visit his office. It’s written in his list of requirements that if I think tears are coming to remember to bring tissue; he never reminded me or gave me a piece of tissue. Whenever I got upset with him, he said “I already mentioned that in your list of things” and he was right!!)
Mr Grace has said you can do nothing to break this relationship with Mr Sin, you have been trying for years and years, but no-one ever made it possible, “Not by works of righteousness which we have done but according to his mercy he saved us” (Titus 3:5). So I asked him what the solution is. He answered “You need to die to sin, which simply means the power of sin over you is completely destroyed, That means sin shall not have dominion over you (Rom 6.14). He that is dead is free from sin (Rom 6.7) and 1 Corinthians 15:56-58 – “The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (NIV).
Jesus has broken the power of sin and death though his death and resurrection. Through Christ Jesus the law of the spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. Mr Law is now dismissed from my case (though his office is still working); he is no longer with me to deal with my case but has been replaced by Mr Grace[2] .When Jesus cried, "It is finished," He died, and "the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom" (Mark 15:38). The torn veil to the Not only did Christ die for me, but I died with Him. That is my new identification. I am no longer identified with the first man, Adam (death through sin), but with the second man, Christ (life). Christ paid my sin debt and broke sin’s power over me. By His substitution for me on the cross Christ charged my account with His own imputed righteousness. By identification with me He imparted or made that righteousness a part of my daily life. When Christ died, I died by believing in his death and resurrection for my salvation. When He rose from the dead I arose in Him (by faith). It is now a fact that I am now seated with Christ in the heavenlies (Eph. 2:5-6; Col. 3:1-3).
According to Rom 8:1-2, “Therefore, [there is] now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live [and] walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit. 2For the law of the Spirit of life [which is] in Christ Jesus [the law of our new being] has freed me from the law of sin and of death.”
Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ
“What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God. Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 6:10-11). Not only did Christ die for me, but I died with Him. That is my new identification.
At last on April 14, 1996 at 2.30 pm, it was a wonderful afternoon when, before my friends and thousands of angels in the presence of heaven in a school auditorium, I celebrated my second wedding day. Now I am married to the one who is raised from the dead, what a wonderful life…and his grace is with me… Under his lavish grace!!I am freeeeeeeee…..but even now sometimes my ex-husband will come and knock at my door, leave flowers and cards. It can be really tempting, but my Lover’s love stops me from doing that not by fear but by His love. Out of love I am unable to go back to Mr Sin. Now it is not by law but love. There is no fear, guilt and condemnation, but unconditional love, intimacy and His grace and righteousness covering me……….
……….And I know Mr Law is continuing his office, but I am free because as Mr Law mentioned my Lover paid the price and redeemed me so that Mr Sin and Mr Law has nothing to do with me. Colossians 2:14 (NIV) says that, “having cancelled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross,” so now I belong to My Lover under His Grace.
Many of my friends and families are still under Mr Sin and Mr Law. Sometimes they try to visit me and encourage me to follow Mr Law for a better life, and try to put confusion in my life and into my new freedom with my new husband. According to them Mr Grace is great but how can you simply avoid Mr Law, who is such a perfect advocate. There is nothing wrong with having both. I asked my self “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Gal 1:10) “This matter arose because some false brothers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus and to make us slaves. We did not give in to them for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might remain with you” (Gal 2:4-5), Hmm they are brothers but they have a designation which is False Brothers!! They have been spying on my freedom, working as an agent for Mr Law to get some business for him. I know he is loosing his business, because many people are free by Mr Grace, having left Mr Law, so if people are leaving Mr Law it means Mr Sin is also loosing his business. [1] Romans 7:4-6 (Amplified Bible) – “Likewise, my brethren, you have undergone death as to the Law through the [crucified] body of Christ, so that now you may belong to another, to Him Who was raised from the dead in order that we may bear fruit for God. When we were living in the flesh (mere physical lives), the sinful passions that were awakened and aroused up by [what] the Law [makes sin] were constantly operating in our natural powers (in our bodily organs, in the sensitive appetites and wills of the flesh), so that we bore fruit for death. But now we are discharged from the Law and have terminated all intercourse with it, having died to what once restrained and held us captive. So now we serve not under [obedience to] the old code of written regulations, but [under obedience to the promptings] of the Spirit in newness [of life].”
[2] “for this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel
“Having cancelled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross” (Colossians 2:14).
“by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility (Eph 2.15-16)”.
“Having cancelled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross” (Colossians 2:14).
“by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility (Eph 2.15-16)”.
[3] “All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: ‘Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law.’ Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, ‘The righteous will live by faith.’ The law is not based on faith; on the contrary, ‘The man who does these things will live by them.’ Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: ‘Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.’ He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.” (Gal 3:10-14)
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